Life without regrets... Is it really possible? I envy those who live life without regrets. There's regrets of action and inactions. How is it possible to forget them all?

Regret the things I have done? Not really. These don't leave a large impact for me to remember. At least not larger than inactions. They haunt me. Time to time. If I have been bold enough... If I had been brave enough... Would all these have changed? If I had taken that 1 step forward, just 1 leap forward, could it have been better? Would the good things still turn out good?

True. I've taken a leap forward in many things. 1 leap in and everything falls so nicely in place. It's like a domino. Except it's erected and not falling. 1 jump start and everything follows along. Just like a chain reaction. Will it be true for other areas too?

Sometime I wonder... I know I regret not taking action... Regret postponing it... Given the chance to go back and change the past, would I do the same? Would I see my desired outcome? What would happen? Anything and everything?

There's no need to go back to the past to change it. Neither is there a need to. The window is still open. Dare I take the step that I have postponed for so long? Can I bear the consequences that it succeed? What if it falls through? Would I be crippled and end there?

Maybe I won't go for that jump. At least not now. Maybe later. When? I have no idea. I don't dare to face the consequences if it fails. Just more courage, maybe it would be good.

I'll leave it there for now. Picking it up later? I'll see. Now I have to hold on to what I have and make use of it. Treasure what there is now. Greed never turns out good. But can it really be counted greed? Everything is in a mess. How I wish everything will settle by itself. It's impossible though. Impossible. I shall leave the gap in me and bury myself in work. May one day the opportunity drops in front of me again, instead of having to reach out and grab it, will I just stare at it and walk away? The opportunity is here. It has never left. But it doesn't mean it's going to stay forever. Opportunity nor time waits for anyone.

Should I grab that opportunity and gamble on it? It's a huge stake. It's double or nothing. The sign seems positive in the past. Is it still valid now?

Given the same situation, what will you do?

...

Ended my post @ 12:53 AM

Today was meet the parents thingy. Lol. Yesterday anyway. So just went around take the uni's thingy to see see. Better to be think about it now then wait till next year. It'll be too late then. Lol.

Then see the percentile for the grades also. Weird thing is now my highest percentile is econs. Hmm... Then the rest of the percentile drop like so much. More than 20% for most if I'm not wrong. Lol... Still got drop like 50% one. GP is totally from top half to bottom half. Like flip the digits like that. Almost lah. Lol. So sad lor. Oh well... Haiz...

Anyway after that meet amanda to play badminton. There wasn't any space at the badminton court there so we went to outside the RC there. Then play halfway got a rainbow on the clouds. As in the clouds is in the sky and there's a slight rainbow on it. Very nice. Lol.

Too bad no camera then so cannot take photos. Then we just stood there and watch a while. Then go back play again. Lol. After that it disappeared already. Weird to see a rainbow in the sky on a cloud. And it's almost like directly above us lor. Lol. Weird thing is there's no rain. So means the rainbow is from 1 part of the cloud to another bah. Lol... Sounds like a bridge or a highway on a cloud.

I need more time to catch up on sleep. Lol... But so much homework... Haiz... Good thing Friday's another holiday. Can catch up more then. Hehe...

Ended my post @ 12:16 AM

After copying the GP notes I'm so tired and bored. Haven't finish copying... Still got quite a lot I think. Oh well... Tmr continue finish it up since there's no much homework except the extra work to do to be way ahead. Which seems pointless now that I have to copy the GP notes...

So I got bored and noticed Facebook a lot of people winning badges on Hexic. I'm still so bad at it. So I google for some hints and I found this...

Part I


Part II


This person is so good. Haiz... Maybe I should just find something else to play. Lol... Just get back to work... Haiz...

Ended my post @ 12:52 AM

cut...

Can you just treat me as a friend? Can you just treat me well, like what you used to, like what you treat others now? Can we get along well? Why must it always end up like that? Can't we have a good friendship?

I'm very tired. I've bear this for a year. You just treat me worse and worse. How I wish it would all go back. Consider my point of stand, please?

And for that thing. I didn't say I want you to do everything yourself. I will never say that. It's not that I don't want to do. You should know that it's really I can't do. You complain about my artistic abilities all the time yet you still want me to do. Can I just do the other parts? I haven't complain about you have I? If I did I'm sorry. I understand your workload but can you manage your time and finish those that come first? Can spilt up the workload and still fulfil the responsibilities that you took on from the start of your term? Just help me for once?

Please? Thank you...

Haven't heard a true sorry... heard a true thanks... seen a true smile from your heart... I don't demand much. Just a dose a true friendship is all that I need. Please?

cut...

Damn angry now. So it's all my fault lor. Fine. I am the one that cause the results to be bad. Fine. I'm the one that cause her PW results to be bad. Fine. So everything must blame on me. Must everytime be anry with me. SO it's all my fault that she is in this position now. So it's all my fault that she has so many thing to do for the class. Fine. So it's all my fault that she chose to be the one responsible for the class. FIne. SO it'll all me fault that she has a lot of thing to do for her cca. FIne. So everything also my fault lor. She choose to be president also my fault. End up got a lot of thing to do also my fault. School a lot of homework to do also my fault. End up now got a lot of things to do also my fault. Play game lose already also my fault. Hoemwork do wrong already also my fault. She want to sleep but cannot sleep also my fault. She everyday sleep late also my fault. Her bag heavy also my fault. She's angry with her cca also my fault. Her cca room cannot use also my fault. Everything and anything also my fault lor. Fine.

So now don't talk to me lor. Cause it's my fault. She angry with other people also my fault. So must ignore me. Cannot talk to me cause is my fault. Angry with other must exert it on me. Cause she don;t want to be angry with others. SO must put it on me cause it's my fault. So tell her things also my fault. Her mood bad also my fault.SLeep not enough also my fault. SO don't talk to me lor. Everyone can talk to but me. Cause it's my fault. She talk to others can. Others talk to her also can. I talk to her cannot. Ask thing also cannot. Cause everything is my fault. If I disappear then good. Cause I am the one who cause these things. So since I am the one who caused these things so I must be responsible. Is all my fault.

SO now everything I haveto be blammed. Then everything also I have to do. Cause it's my fault. It's my fault that the school got such stupid things to do. So I have to do everything. It's my fault that things don;t turn out well. Everything must blame on me. When things turn out good she find other things to blame on me. SO I no feeling one is it. Only she have feeling. Other people have feeling. Only I no feeling. I stone is it. Can scold scold scold. Also nvm. Cause all my fault.

I also have feeling one. Is her cca need do thing. So what has it got to do with me. I'm not the one that asked her to do everything. Then class got thing also my fault. Cause I ACM so I have to do everything cause she not free. SO I am the one to be blammed for her taking up the position in class and make her busy. So I have to do everything that she's supposed to do cause I ACM and she not free. SO she's supposed to not care about anything and I'm supposed to do everything. All cause she's busy with other things. So then what's the point of having the positions in the class. Then I take over her role can already lor. Then she woin't have to do so much. Then help her do already she not happy with it then complain. Everything my fault cause she not happy with it. Must do like that. Must follow exactly. But I must read her mind. Must know before hand must like that without her telling. Else is my fault. Cause I never ask her. Why I never ask? Cause she don;t want reply me. Cause she don't want to talk to me. Cause she don't want to be involved. Cause I'm the acm. SO I'm supposed to be at fault.

SO fine lor. I nothing to do. I don't have cca things to do now. So I need to do this cause she not free. Ask her for opinion then cannot. Must anything. All I decide. When not good then blame me cause I choose wrong. SO wrongly. Then why don't just say in the first place. Cause it's my fault things turn out this way. Cause she want to do it this way but I did it that way. Cause she busy so she don't want bother abouyt it. SO she say anything. Everything also anything. Ask her anything also say anything. Then not to what she like then complain. I didn;t do it correctly. She didn;t tell me must do like that. Got things to say but don;t tell me. Must do like that don't tell me. then when I didn;t do then scold me. Cause I didn;t follow the instructions. But in the first place she don't even tell me anything about it. How I know? How I follow? SO now become my fault that I don't ask. Why I didn;t ask? Cause I don't even know of such thing in the first place. Ask about it then say anything. Decide yourself. Then when I decide then cannot then she will blame it on me. So now all my fault.

So what I did was nothing. Everything that I did count as nothing cause everything she don't like. See me as invisible. What she do is a lot. SO she do thing I offer help she don't want. Then blame it on me. Cause she do till very late then very tired. Why? Cause I didn't help. Why I didn;t help? Cause she didn't want my help in the first place. So now become it's my fault that I didn;t help her and it's my fault that she didn't want me to help and so become everything is my fault. SO she do correct then well then is her credit. Then not good not well is my fault.

SO I cannot find her for help. Cause I never help her. Cause she didn't want my help. SO when I need help cannot find her. Must do myself. Like what she did cause she don;t like me. So don;t want my help. SO must do myself. Then when not good can blame me cause she never did anything. SHe didn;t touch on anything so cannot blame her. But when she do she don't want me help. Everything also don't tell me. Tell everyone but not me. SO everyone know but not me cause is my fault. Cause I never ask. Cause She didn;t want tell me. SO my fault.

So I cannot do the parts I have to do. Cannot ask her. Not nice is my fault cause is I did one. Then ask her do she not free. So anything. Say anything but when she don;t like she complain. Then don;t talk to me. Get angry with me. Cause is my fault not nice and cvause is my fault she cannot do cause she not free. All my fault.

So she free can talk to people. Sms people. Then ask her thing she don't even bother to see. DOn't reply. Then have to wait for her. Then never do is my fault. Cause I wait for her. Cause she don;t want reply. All my fault. So I do for her. But must do until she like. Else also my fault cause she don't like. Cause not she do one. Then she do wrong also must blame on me. Cause all my fault. So I'm supposed to do it. Then when do wrong but is on other people she apologise. When me she blame it on me. Never once she say sorry to me. Never one was there a true thanks from her mouth. Everytime need things find me. Then don;t need don't find me. Cause all my fault that she don't need me. Then everytime ignore me. Want talk to her also cannot. Tell her things also cannot. Cause is me that is talking to her. Want chat withn her cannot. Cause it's me. Others can. Cause she don't likje me. Cause my fault that she got so many things to do.

So eveything I do. I don't complain. What she did I never complain. Comment also cannot. Cause is my fault that she did it. Then I have to do. Cause I comment on it. Then she can comment. Cause is not she do one. Then ask her do she say anything. Then complain again. Cause is I do one. Not nice blame on me. Cause is I do one.

I'm not complaining that I have to do eveything. I don't care if I do everything. The thing is she keep complaining. Ask for suggestions or help also cannot from her. Then she complain. Not nice also complain. But don't want help. Just want to complain cause is I do one.

The things that I can do I do. If really cannot do then ask her. Then she say until like everything I ask her do. Cause I acm. SO I must do everything. She cannot do cause she not free although she is supposed to. SO now I must do. SO what I do is not important. What I contribute is nothing. Cause she can only she herself and others she like. Not me. Cause I too familiar to her already. Cause I know her too well.

Want me do things fine. I dont' mind. But the thing is I need help along the way. I can't work on it alone. It's not a 1 person job. Most of the things if I can do I'll do. Contact others I do. Arrange thing I do. Sort out things I do. Negotiate with others I do. But art things I cannot do. She should know. Everytime want complain about my artistic skills. Then still want me do these things. Then after that want complain I do not nice. She do then no time. I really don't know what to do.

I don't know. I really don't know. If want my help can. I always offer my help. But do remember that I have feeling as well. Please don't treat me as your maid. Please don't treat me as your punch bag. I treat you as a friend. But I don't see that you do. Neither do I feel any sense of that in you. Maybe I'm just not worth your time. But when there are things to do please. I beg you. I do have feelings. I'm just like a human. Like you. Like others. Please don't treat me as an enemy. Others want to help doesn't mean I don't.

Cut...

Ended my post @ 4:40 PM

Having lots of nightmares recently. About everything and anything. Haiz... Dunno why also. Like from holidays become more frequent. Dunno what to do...

This morning woke up from another nightmare again. Then cannot get back to sleep so just went to do work. But a lot dunno how to do... >.< Damn frustrated. Haiz... Good thing the easy parts know how to do. Then only hard parts dunno. So only a bit. But is a bit of every question. Lol... So sad.

Now is like I want rest more. Sleep more. But not really possible. Like almost everytime sleep will have nightmares de. Almost lah. Unless is super tired then won't. So means only when very tired can sleep well. So can't really catch up on a lot of sleep over the weekends. Now can only just hope can rest better bah... Haiz...

Why can't life be just less complicated...

Ended my post @ 7:32 PM

Finally changed my blogskin. The old one with Domokun in it is too complicated. The longer I look the more frustrated I feel. Lol. So this time I chose something simple and clean. My life is already frustrating enough. I don't need my own blogskin to irritate me more. Lol...

I spent like 2 nights to finish editing it. Cause not enough time. Lol. Just now I changed the tag box colour so that it will blend in with the surroundings. Looks better now. I think anyway. Any comments please drop it into the suggestion box labelled tag on the right hand side of your screen. :P

The week's been tiring... There will be more work to do... Haiz... I need more rest~ >.<

Ended my post @ 12:40 AM